Frustration...

I'm having a frustrating day...well, okay it's been a bit longer than a day that I have been frustrated...months and months really, but today it is very evident...yet again. I don't understand what God is teaching me and I am overwhelmed. I just want God to shine His light on my life and for me to understand why? and what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to be learning through this trial?

So here it is...

I am feeling friendless. (I don't think that is a word, but it truly describes how I feel) Anyway, FRIENDLESS! You know, the REAL friends who want, I mean really desire, to know you inside and out. The friends who can't wait to spend time with you, who are available when you need them, someone who I can share my heart with and they don't judge me, they just refine me through scripture...where are you FRIENDS!?

I mean I have friends in the surface level sense of the word, but I just feel lost without a kindred spirit.

I have been praying. There are so, so many people that I have a surface level relationships with. I have been watching people, listening to their hearts, watching them raise their kids, listening to how they love the Lord or if He isn't even a part of their lives. I'm discouraged. I desire friends who are striving to raise their children in God's image...not just thinking that they can play pretend mommy and laugh when their children have rotten attitudes or think it's cute that the kids disobey. Or who play pretend good wife when they are husband bashing all the time! Or who play pretend at really loving God, but they haven't opened their Bible in weeks or prayed. I desire friends who encourage me in and through the Lord when I'm having a rough day or when I have a bad attitude they speak up and tell me!!! I really desire to honor God with my choice of friends, but I am having a hard time finding them...I'm not looking for perfection...honestly...just another woman striving for Christ-likeness.

Today...I am discouraged and moved to tears because I just want a God fearing, God loving, God seeking friend to come and be my kindred spirit!...but, nope...wait!...nope, no one is there...

(I know God is and my husband is, but I mean another mommy friend...)

So, with a heavy heart I will enjoy this day with my kids...alone...and continue to pray into my life a kindred spirit...

God please bring her soon...I just don't know how much longer my heart can handle feeling alone.